Category Archives: Friendships

Drugs and young brains

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), one in four young people (ages 12-17) who uses illicit drugs will also develop a dependency. This is a much higher rate than that for adults.

Why? No one is certain, but there are some known factors.

Heredity is one of those factors. Is there an addict or alcoholic (recovering or otherwise) in your family’s history? If so, be aware that this one factor can greatly increase your child’s chances of developing an addiction to drugs or alcohol. You should talk to your teen about this with the hoped-for effect that she will choose to be more careful.

Here are some other factors listed in an AAP web article:

“Untreated psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and personality disorder. For these youngsters, as well as for those with untreated attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and other learning problems that interfere with academic and social success, taking illicit drugs may be their way of self-medicating.
Temperament: thrill-seeking behavior, inability to delay gratification and so forth.
An eating disorder.
Associating with known drug users.
Lack of parental supervision and setting of consistent limits.
Living in a family where substance abuse is accepted.
Living in a home scarred by recurrent conflicts, verbal abuse and physical abuse.”

Start the conversation about drugs and alcohol early on, in age-appropriate ways. And don’t assume that just because you’ve had this talk once, that’s good enough. Young people are confronted with opportunities on a regular basis, so make sure that you leave the door open to talking with you about it.

Not sure how to begin? Here’s another great AAP article entitled “Talking to Teens about Drugs and Alcohol.” It gives great advice about a conversation that is essential to your child’s health.

Educate yourself about drugs and alcohol. Have open conversation. Don’t abuse substances. Help your teen stay healthy and free from addiction.

Bullying is a serious matter

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October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month. That means now is a good time for us to talk about this important subject.

Bullying can occur at school or on the bus, in the neighborhood, on the playground— anywhere. Cyber bullying is also on the rise, where people use the internet or phone apps to harm others.

At the very least, bullying lowers self-esteem. But as we know, continual bullying can cause children and teens to withdraw socially, may create depression or other mental health issues, and can even result in physical harm.

Parental awareness is essential. It’s almost certain that your child will, at some point, either be on the receiving end of bullying behavior, or will bully someone else, or both. An article on the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) website references a study from 1999, in which four out of five teens admitted to participating in bullying behavior at least once a month. Those who have been bullied often go on to mistreat others.

Conversations about appropriate behavior and language need to begin early between parent and child. Don’t hesitate to correct your child or teen when you hear name-calling or witness unkind behavior, even between siblings. They can learn early the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Teach them how to express themselves, especially when hurt or angry, by using language that doesn’t cross the line into disrespect. Don’t tolerate violent acts against people or animals.

Of course, your kids are not always near you, and you won’t be aware of everything that happens to them or everything they do. Continue the conversation about bullying; remind them to walk away from confrontations and to inform a responsible adult if they experience or witness bullying. Talk about kindness; role-play sticky situations. Monitor their internet and cell phone activity and discuss what you find there.

Teach your kids some nonviolent and non-confrontational ways to handle conflict. There are excellent resources for this in the article mentioned above, also here and here.

Remember that school counselors and other therapists can be really helpful if your child or teen is a victim or perpetrator of bullying, and our office can always make a referral.

As children get older, remind them that they help create a safe environment for others. They can be a positive force by refusing to contribute to an atmosphere of hatred.

As the school year continues, things can get very hectic. Don’t forget to pay attention to what’s going on with your youngsters. Ask questions, be supportive, get help when needed. Let’s keep our schools and community safe for everyone’s children.

Artwork by Shawna

Back in School, Part 4: Friends

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While you are worrying about your child’s academic year, he is probably more concerned about friends. Honestly, he has a point. While academic skills are an important part to future success and happiness, so are the social skills that help us make and keep friends.

Children at a very young age are usually too self-centered to have friends. This isn’t their fault; it is just a normal developmental stage. If you watch a couple of toddlers on a play date, they will usually engage in what is called “parallel play,” meaning they play side-by-side, but not really together. Even so, you can start to teach them to share, not to grab toys away, etc.

By school age, most children want friends, whether it is just one or many. Good social skills are learned from parents, teachers and peers. Here are some behaviors you can teach your kids that will serve them in school and throughout their lives.

Kindness. Use kind words and tones around the house. Don’t allow your children to be unkind to their siblings, to pets or to adults. Everyone responds positively to kindness, and no one likes a bully.
Politeness. (See our post on manners.)
Assertiveness. You don’t want your child to be aggressive toward others, but you want her to be able to assert her opinions and express her feelings without being overbearing. This takes practice, and it can be something you encourage through conversation, questions, and even role playing. For example, “What will you say if your friend wants to play kickball and you’d rather swing?” They can learn from you the give-and-take of good relationships.
Meeting and greeting. Teach your youngster to introduce himself and to ask questions about another person. They can learn to shake hands, make eye contact, smile.
Listening. Hearing what another person has to say is as important as expressing your opinion.

Here’s a really nice FREE online resource entitled 101 Ways to Teach Social Skills to Children. While the games and activities are designed for groups, many of them can be adapted for use within the family—a fun way to learn appropriate ways of behaving in different settings.

Every school in Scott County has a counselor who can observe behavioral issues both in and out of the classroom, and who can meet with your child and/or other students if needed.

A final word: pay attention to the friendships your child/teen is forming. Get to know his friends and their parents. Make sure their behavior isn’t out of line with what you expect from your own kids.

The friendships we form in childhood and adolescence may or may not last a lifetime. But they teach us skills and behaviors that are timeless.

Manners? Yes, please.

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Summertime is easy—so they say. It can also be an easier time to remind children and teens about good manners. Hopefully, you will have more times of relaxed conversation when you aren’t trying to juggle homework, school and extracurricular schedules all at once.

Manners are important because they remind us of the value of every human being. Saying please and thank you is respectful, whether those words are spoken to someone in the family, a teacher or coach, or a complete stranger. Being helpful ingrains kindness in the helper and encourages it in the recipient and observer.

What are age appropriate manners?

Ages 2—5. Teach children to say please and thank you at the right times. Children at this age usually love to help people, so encourage that tendency. At the playground, they can help a younger child, with supervision. At home, they can learn to pass the potatoes. When meeting someone, they can shake hands and learn to answer questions that are asked.
Ages 5—7. As the child develops physically and emotionally, so should their moral growth be progressing. Teach good phone manners by practicing in a game. Have a “manners night” once a week at the supper table, where everyone has to speak politely and initiate good conversation. Give a small reward at the end of the meal for the person who showed the best manners.
Older children. Learning to smile and maintain eye contact during a conversation is important as children grow. They can learn to ask people about themselves, and to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate questions. Your suppertime conversations can engage their imaginations and teach them how to talk to other people.
Teens. When our children mature into teens, they often become less receptive to their parents’ helpful instructions on manners, but that doesn’t mean you can let them off the hook. By now they should know your standards, and you should be able to witness them using their manners at home and elsewhere. Teens who are mannerly, you may tell them, will likely advance at school and work because others respond positively to our good behavior.

Perhaps the main thing to remember about teaching manners to your children is this: be an example. Use please and thank you when you remind them about their chores. Treat your spouse and other adults and youngsters with respect.

If you are often cross with them, they will reflect that attitude back to you and to others. But if you treat them and others kindly, they will learn to mimic that behavior, both consciously and unconsciously.

Expect good manners from your children and that is likely what you will get.

Georgetown Pediatrics

Caring for your children.

Category Archives: Friendships

Drugs and young brains