Category Archives: Time with your kids

Talking to children after a tragedy

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The recent shooting in Orlando leaves every parent—and anyone who cares about children and teens—in the position of wondering what to say and how to say it. You are reeling from the news, and you want to protect the children you love from being hurt by it.

There is no perfect way to handle tragedy with youngsters, but here are a few basic guidelines. All of the quoted information below comes from an article you may want to read in its entirety, from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

  • “No matter what age or developmental stage the child is, parents can start by asking a child what they’ve already heard. Most children will have heard something, no matter how old they are. After you ask them what they’ve heard, ask what questions they have.”
  • “In general, it is best to share basic information with children, not graphic details, or unnecessary details about tragic circumstances. Children and adults alike want to be able to understand enough so they know what’s going on. Graphic information and images should be avoided.”
  • “Keep young children away from repetitive graphic images and sounds that may appear on television, radio, social media, computers, etc.”
  • “With older children, if you do want them to watch the news, record it ahead of time. That allows you to preview it and evaluate its contents before you sit down with them to watch it. Then, as you watch it with them, you can stop, pause, and have a discussion when you need to.”
  • “Today, most older children will have access to the news and graphic images through social media and other applications right from their cell phone. You need to be aware of what’s out there and take steps in advance to talk to children about what they might hear or see.”
  • “The reality is that even children as young as 4 years old will hear about major crisis events. It’s best that they hear about it from a parent or caregiver, as opposed to another child or in the media…

The underlying message for a parent to convey is, ‘It’s okay if these things bother you. We are here to support each other.’”

  • What if you have an older child or teen? “After asking your child what they have heard and if they have questions about what occurred during a school shooting, community bombing, natural disaster, or even a disaster in an international country, a parent can say something such as: ‘Yes. In [Orlando, Florida]’ (and here you might need to give some context, depending on whether it’s nearby or far away, for example, ‘That’s a city/state that’s pretty far from/close to here’), there was disaster and many people were hurt. The police and the government are doing their jobs so they can try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.’”

If your child seems to be overwhelmed with anxiety after a tragedy, and that feeling doesn’t get better with time, talk to your pediatrician. You may also request our office to refer you to a counselor who specializes in working with children or teens. Signs that they are having trouble coping include problems with sleeping or eating (too much or too little); physical symptoms such as tiredness, headaches, digestive issues; or behavioral changes.

It is only natural to be upset when a tragedy occurs. Every adult feels that way, and so do children and youth. If you haven’t had a conversation with them about it, today is a good time for that discussion.

© 2016, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

Halloween Safety Tips

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Today’s entire blog below is quoted from the AAP, here.  Have a great Halloween!

Halloween is an exciting time of year for kids. Here are some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) to help ensure they have a safe holiday.

All Dressed Up:

  • Plan costumes that are bright and reflective. Make sure that shoes fit well and that costumes are short enough to prevent tripping, entanglement or contact with flame.
  • Consider adding reflective tape or striping to costumes and Trick-or-Treat bags for greater visibility.
  • Because masks can limit or block eyesight, consider non-toxic makeup and decorative hats as safer alternatives. Hats should fit properly to prevent them from sliding over eyes.
  • When shopping for costumes, wigs and accessories look for and purchase those with a label clearly indicating they are flame resistant.
  • If a sword, cane, or stick is a part of your child’s costume, make sure it is not sharp or too long. A child may be easily hurt by these accessories if he stumbles or trips.
  • Obtain flashlights with fresh batteries for all children and their escorts.
  • Do not use decorative contact lenses without an eye examination and a prescription from an eye care professional. While the packaging on decorative lenses will often make claims such as “one size fits all,” or “no need to see an eye specialist,” obtaining decorative contact lenses without a prescription is both dangerous and illegal. This can cause pain, inflammation, and serious eye disorders and infections, which may lead to permanent vision loss.
  • Teach children how to call 9-1-1 (or their local emergency number) if they have an emergency or become lost.

Carving a Niche:

  • Small children should never carve pumpkins. Children can draw a face with markers. Then parents can do the cutting.
  • Consider using a flashlight or glow stick instead of a candle to light your pumpkin. If you do use a candle, a votive candle is safest.
  • Candlelit pumpkins should be placed on a sturdy table, away from curtains and other flammable objects, and should never be left unattended.

Home Safe Home:

  • To keep homes safe for visiting trick-or-treaters, parents should remove from the porch and front yard anything a child could trip over such as garden hoses, toys, bikes and lawn decorations.
  • Parents should check outdoor lights and replace burned-out bulbs.
  • Wet leaves should be swept from sidewalks and steps.
  • Restrain pets so they do not inadvertently jump on or bite a trick-or-treater.

On the Trick-or-Treat Trail:

  • A parent or responsible adult should always accompany young children on their neighborhood rounds.
  • If your older children are going alone, plan and review the route that is acceptable to you. Agree on a specific time when they should return home.
  • Only go to homes with a porch light on and never enter a home or car for a treat.
  • Because pedestrian injuries are the most common injuries to children on Halloween, remind trick-or-treaters:
    • Stay in a group and communicate where they will be going.
    • Remember reflective tape for costumes and trick-or-treat bags.
    • Carry a cell phone for quick communication.
    • Remain on well-lit streets and always use the sidewalk.
    • If no sidewalk is available, walk at the far edge of the roadway facing traffic.
    • Never cut across yards or use alleys.
    • Only cross the street as a group in established crosswalks (as recognized by local custom). Never cross between parked cars or out driveways.
    • Don’t assume the right of way. Motorists may have trouble seeing trick-or-treaters. Just because one car stops, doesn’t mean others will!
  • Law enforcement authorities should be notified immediately of any suspicious or unlawful activity.

Healthy Halloween:

  • A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.
  • Consider purchasing non-food treats for those who visit your home, such as coloring books or pens and pencils.
  • Wait until children are home to sort and check treats. Though tampering is rare, a responsible adult should closely examine all treats and throw away any spoiled, unwrapped or suspicious items.
  • Try to ration treats for the days following Halloween.

Whether dressing up in costumes, trick-or-treating, or having parties with their friends, most kids love Halloween. But did you know that Halloween is also a time when more children than usual end up in the emergency room due to falls, traffic collisions and other injuries? All the sweets in the house (and at school) can also wreak havoc on a child’s teeth and healthy diet.

To help ensure your child’s Halloween is both safe and healthy, pediatrician Corinn Cross, MD, FAAP joins the Healthy Children show on RadioMD with some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Listen here.

 

 

Back in School, Part 4: Friends

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While you are worrying about your child’s academic year, he is probably more concerned about friends.  Honestly, he has a point.  While academic skills are an important part to future success and happiness, so are the social skills that help us make and keep friends.

Children at a very young age are usually too self-centered to have friends.  This isn’t their fault; it is just a normal developmental stage.  If you watch a couple of toddlers on a play date, they will usually engage in what is called “parallel play,” meaning they play side-by-side, but not really together.  Even so, you can start to teach them to share, not to grab toys away, etc.

By school age, most children want friends, whether it is just one or many.  Good social skills are learned from parents, teachers and peers.  Here are some behaviors you can teach your kids that will serve them in school and throughout their lives.

  • Kindness.  Use kind words and tones around the house.  Don’t allow your children to be unkind to their siblings, to pets or to adults.  Everyone responds positively to kindness, and no one likes a bully.
  • Politeness.  (See our post on manners.)
  • Assertiveness.  You don’t want your child to be aggressive toward others, but you want her to be able to assert her opinions and express her feelings without being overbearing.  This takes practice, and it can be something you encourage through conversation, questions, and even role playing.  For example, “What will you say if your friend wants to play kickball and you’d rather swing?”  They can learn from you the give-and-take of good relationships.
  • Meeting and greeting.  Teach your youngster to introduce himself and to ask questions about another person.  They can learn to shake hands, make eye contact, smile.
  • Listening.  Hearing what another person has to say is as important as expressing your opinion.

Here’s a really nice FREE online resource entitled 101 Ways to Teach Social Skills to Children.  While the games and activities are designed for groups, many of them can be adapted for use within the family—a fun way to learn appropriate ways of behaving in different settings.

Every school in Scott County has a counselor who can observe behavioral issues both in and out of the classroom, and who can meet with your child and/or other students if needed.

A final word:  pay attention to the friendships your child/teen is forming.  Get to know his friends and their parents.  Make sure their behavior isn’t out of line with what you expect from your own kids.

The friendships we form in childhood and adolescence may or may not last a lifetime.  But they teach us skills and behaviors that are timeless.

© 2014 MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

Back in School, Part 3: Teachers

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Every morning when you send your child to school, you are putting her into the educational, social, emotional and physical care of other adults.  This can be intimidating at times, but it doesn’t have to be.

The vast majority of teachers are in classrooms because they want to be, because they care about the students and love the material they teach, and because they want to make a difference.  They spend time in the classroom trying to instill in youngsters the love of learning.  And they spend time outside the classroom preparing lessons, grading work, and keeping the mountains of records and paperwork required by the school system.

Most of all, they want every child—your child—to be successful.  That success is far less likely without your support.

  • Speak positively about your child’s teachers.  If you hear complaints from your young student, listen with an objective mind. 
  • Establish a relationship with a teacher.  If you can volunteer at the school, wonderful.  Your schedule may not allow that, so find other ways to be in touch.
    • Stay connected.  Most teachers and classrooms have a website.  Send the teacher an e-mail when you appreciate something he’s done for your child or if you have a question.  If there’s ever a problem, you will have built a positive base for your relationship, and the problem will be easier to deal with.
    • Attend parent-teacher conferences.  These are important for everyone concerned:  student, teacher, family.  You will learn things about the classroom and how your child interacts with adults and classmates, and will come away with a much more rounded picture of the education process in that particular class.
    • Make appointments.  Don’t wait for a conference if you have questions or concerns.  Face-to-face meetings are helpful and teachers want to be available to you.  They will want to hear from you sooner rather than later.
    • Reinforce at home what’s happening in the classroom.  From spelling tests to chemistry homework, from learning how to talk out problems with fellow students to deciding what to eat for lunch, the teacher and you are on the same team.
    • Of course, if there is ever concern about inappropriate or illegal activity by a teacher or any other adult, notify the authorities immediately.

Teachers are on the front lines of helping your child develop in age-appropriate ways.  Support them, connect with them, and thank them.

© 2014, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

Manners? Yes, please.

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Summertime is easy—so they say.  It can also be an easier time to remind children and teens about good manners.  Hopefully, you will have more times of relaxed conversation when you aren’t trying to juggle homework, school and extracurricular schedules all at once.

Manners are important because they remind us of the value of every human being.  Saying please and thank you is respectful, whether those words are spoken to someone in the family, a teacher or coach, or a complete stranger.  Being helpful ingrains kindness in the helper and encourages it in the recipient and observer.

What are age appropriate manners?

  • Ages 2—5.  Teach children to say please and thank you at the right times.  Children at this age usually love to help people, so encourage that tendency.  At the playground, they can help a younger child, with supervision.  At home, they can learn to pass the potatoes.  When meeting someone, they can shake hands and learn to answer questions that are asked.
  • Ages 5—7.  As the child develops physically and emotionally, so should their moral growth be progressing.  Teach good phone manners by practicing in a game.  Have a “manners night” once a week at the supper table, where everyone has to speak politely and initiate good conversation.  Give a small reward at the end of the meal for the person who showed the best manners.
  • Older children.  Learning to smile and maintain eye contact during a conversation is important as children grow.  They can learn to ask people about themselves, and to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate questions.  Your suppertime conversations can engage their imaginations and teach them how to talk to other people.
  • Teens.  When our children mature into teens, they often become less receptive to their parents’ helpful instructions on manners, but that doesn’t mean you can let them off the hook.  By now they should know your standards, and you should be able to witness them using their manners at home and elsewhere.  Teens who are mannerly, you may tell them, will likely advance at school and work because others respond positively to our good behavior.

Perhaps the main thing to remember about teaching manners to your children is this: be an example.  Use please and thank you when you remind them about their chores.  Treat your spouse and other adults and youngsters with respect.

If you are often cross with them, they will reflect that attitude back to you and to others.  But if you treat them and others kindly, they will learn to mimic that behavior, both consciously and unconsciously.

Expect good manners from your children and that is likely what you will get.

© 2014, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

E. coli and other nasty things: how to have good food safety for your cookout or picnic

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The holiday weekend approaches, with plans for picnics, cookouts, reunions, and fun!  At the same time we’re hearing about a recall of nearly 2 million pounds of ground beef that is possibly contaminated with E. coli bacteria.  How can you be sure about the safety of the food you’re serving your family?

You are right to be cautious.  Foodborne illnesses can be very serious, even deadly.  E. coli, in particular, can cause organ failure, and children may be especially vulnerable.

Here are some basic rules to keep in mind.

  • Cook ground meats ALL the way through.  Pink interiors mean raw meat, and when that meat is ground, microbes that used to be on the surface of the meat can now be deep inside it.  If the meat is fully cooked, any E. coli should be taken care of.
  • Cook poultry completely through.  Chicken, in particular, can be contaminated with Salmonella.
  • Don’t reuse the plate that held raw meat or poultry.  It must be washed before being used to hold cooked meat or other foods.  The same goes with knives and other utensils.
  • Keep food separate.  Fruits and vegetables shouldn’t be stored in the same container with uncooked meat and poultry, for example.
  • Chill leftovers soon.  This is important when you’re at a picnic and far from your refrigerator.  Take a cooler and ice packs.
  • Keep your hands clean.  Wash them often.  Take hand sanitizer on your picnic.  Don’t change a baby’s diaper while preparing food.
  • Wash your fruits and vegetables.  When you clean poultry in the sink, be sure to sanitize the sink afterwards so that you don’t contaminate food, dishes and utensils.

More information is available here from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

A fun holiday is a safe holiday.  Enjoy the time together and have a great weekend!

© 2014, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

Launching your senior

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Graduation quickly approaches.  Is your senior (or junior who will be at this point a year from now) prepared for a life in the world?  Are you prepared for such a big change?

“Launching,” as it’s called, can create feelings of excitement and dread, happiness and fear, joy and anxiety in both teens and their parents.  You’ve all been aiming for this day her whole life, and now it’s right around the corner.  What’s the best way to face this important time?

Actually, there may be no “best way.”  Every graduate, every parent, every family is different.  Pay attention to how your graduate is facing this important milestone, and pay attention to your own feelings.

  • Letting go.  You’ve been practicing letting go for nearly two decades:  the first day of school; the first sleepover at a friend’s house; the first solo car trip. Even if your graduate isn’t moving out, increasing independence should be his goal and yours.  He’s an adult, or soon will be.
  • Holding on.  You and your graduate both need to verbalize that she’s always going to be a part of the family; graduation doesn’t change that.  Even if she is moving out, she will benefit from the knowledge that she will always have your love and support.

How to find the balance?  Make time (if you haven’t already) to address a few important topics together, so your graduate will know your expectations, and you will know his.

  • Education.  Is higher education after high school an expectation?  A hope?  If so, what type and when?  Is taking time before further education an option?
  • Money.  What are expectations regarding continuing parental financial support, whether school is an option or not?  Who will pay for rent, food, cell phone, computer, books, etc.?
  • Living arrangements.  Is the graduate moving out or continuing to live at home?  If staying at home, is she expected to contribute to household expenses and chores?
  • Communication.  How will you stay in touch if he moves out?  How will you grant independence if he stays home?
  • Healthcare.  Investigate health insurance options.  Your young adult needs to be aware of what health care coverage she has – on or off campus.  She should carry a copy of the insurance card, know her allergies and medications, her medical and family medical history.  He needs to be up to date on Immunizations.  The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend more vaccines than most campuses require, so check out the above links whether or not he’ll be continuing in school. Have a discussion about what to do in case of a health emergency.  Here’s a good link from Rowan University about what college students need to bring for the best healthcare.
  • Help.  When there are bumps in the road of growing independence, how will you help negotiate the difficulties together?

Create an environment for listening to your grown-up-child’s hopes and fears.  It’s an important time for all of you, and you will navigate it together.

 

© 2014 MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

 

Screen time for computers and games

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A couple of weeks ago we dealt with content of video games here.  If you missed it, check out that important information about monitoring what your kids are playing.  It’s also important to supervise all computer screen time.

Make sure all the computers to which your youngster has access are in open places in the house.  Search the browser history at regular intervals, and make sure you have his passwords for all social media accounts so you can check that activity.  Let him know ahead of time that this is one of the rules for the privilege of using the computer and smart phone.  Take a look at texts and other accounts on her phone, and remind her of safety rules:

  • Never give out personal information online or over the phone.
  • Never assume that someone you “meet” online is giving you accurate information, and never arrange to meet such a person face to face.
  • If you get concerned about someone contacting you, tell your parent without fear of judgment.
  • Never use your phone or computer for pornography (especially child pornography, which is illegal), sexting (a form of pornography), sending any inappropriate information, or for hurting or bullying someone else.  If you receive such content inform a parent or teacher immediately.

In addition to content, you should be aware of time.  Screen time of any kind (television, movies, computer, video games) means fewer hours are available for physical activity, face-to-face interaction, reading and homework.  Screen time isn’t necessarily bad in itself, but you should monitor the amount of time.

The American Academy of Pediatrics gives great advice about video games in this online article, including the recommendation to limit video game time to one hour per day.  The same goes for other types of screen time.  If your teen or child is spending much more time than that in front of a screen (unless, of course, it’s for school), engage him in conversation about what other activities might take the place of some gaming hours.  Allow her to choose from a list of fun ways to spend her time.

  • Reading.  If your children don’t like to read, read to or with them.  Pick an age-appropriate book and take turns reading pages or chapters.  Bedtime is great for this.
  • Physical activity.  One of the problems of screen time is its sedentary nature.  Inactivity leads to weight gain and all sorts of accompanying health issues.  Get your youngster involved in a team or individual sport.  Go walking or swimming.  Shoot hoops in the driveway or play catch in the backyard.
  • Board games.  Remember Candy Land?  Connect Four?  Pictionary?  Games are widely available and great fun.  They afford great opportunities for interaction, and for learning life skills like winning, losing, and cooperation.
  • Face time.  Not the phone app, the real face time.  Find something you and your teen can share and enjoy:  cooking, eating, hiking, stamp collecting, whatever works for you.  Time invested is time well-spent.  You will reap the rewards in getting to know your child better, and they will reap the rewards in knowing you.
  • Channel that interest in computers to online learning games, or learning video games.  Check out learning games on Amazon, or try one of the websites like Adapted Mind, where you can get a 30 day free trial of games for grades 1-6 (if you continue on with membership there’s a monthly fee).

 

Bottom line:  be in charge of what your children do, even if they aren’t always in favor of your monitoring and limits.  It’s your job, and you are aiding in their full development.

 

© 2014, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

Video games—pay attention to what your kids are playing

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As technology increases at home and school, video games have increased in number.  Each year they become more realistic-looking and exciting.  But they are also often violent, and may contain language and themes inappropriate for your youngster.

Playing video games has benefits, to be certain. They help young people learn eye-hand coordination and computer skills, things they will need to keep up in the modern world.

But there are down sides, too.  Big ones.  Questions and concerns about content top the list, but you should also be aware that many online games require the sharing of personal information and location.

First, content.  The debate continues regarding whether or not violent video games encourage violent behavior.  Opinions abound, but the bottom line is that you should monitor and decide what your child or teen can or cannot play.  In addition to violence, language and themes may often be too adult.

  • Understand ratings.  The ESRB (Entertainment Software Rating Board) rates virtually all video games in terms of content, age-appropriateness, and interactive elements (including whether or not location and other information is shared).  All three of these areas are important.
  • Content and age-appropriateness.  The ESRB website has a great video and also written language to help you understand ratings and how they define words such as “animated blood” and “adult humor.”  The basic content and age ratings are:
    • Early Childhood;
    • Everyone;
    • Teen (13 and up);
    • Mature (17 and up);
    • Adults only.
    • Pay attention!  Games rated “Mature” have truly adult themes (sex, violence, language) and are simply NOT appropriate for younger ages.  Even those with a rating of “Teen” may surprise you with their level of violence and tasteless language.
    • PREVIEW.  Learn about games before you buy.  This website at Common Sense Media is a great source of information.  If your youngster is asking for a particular game, look for the title here to see some screen shots and other details.
    • Interactive elements.  If you are concerned about private information being shared, or worry your child or teen might be connecting (accidentally or purposefully) with people you don’t know, READ THIS.

One important note about violence.  Whether or not your teen or child plays violent video games, you should pay attention if he exhibits violent behavior.  If she is violent with you or other family members, with schoolmates or with animals, talk to your pediatrician about finding a counselor.

Bottom line:  know what your child is doing, watching, playing.  Video games are fun, but you need to be aware of content and privacy.

© 2014, MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved

 

Television–friend or foe?

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Well, honestly, it can be both.

With all the appropriate attention given to the internet these days, and its inherent worries for parents, we seem to have forgotten the conversation about television.

How many TVs are in your home?  Who has access to them when?  What are your children watching?  And what are your kids watching when you’re not watching the kids?

Content on television, even content aimed at youngsters, varies from brilliant to pitiful.  Additionally, the volume of television or videos watched can make a difference in your child’s mental and social development.

Any parent these days occasionally pops in a video or turns on the television so you’ll have a few uninterrupted minutes to cook supper, take a shower, or just relax without hearing a thousand questions.  There’s nothing wrong with that, to a point, because television has its good and bad aspects.

First, the good.  Most American kids today have learned or practiced their numbers and letters with Sesame Street, and have absorbed important social skills from Mister Rogers.  Or, they have simply been entertained by cartoons, music, and Animal Planet.  There is a big world out there, and television is a good source for information and for reinforcing skills learned at home or school.

But, not all is perfect in front of the TV.  Here are some concerns you should be aware of:

  • Social.  Though social skills can be reinforced effectively on the screen, nothing takes the place of real interaction.  Turn off the television and play a board game.  Perch your child on a chair in the kitchen while you cook and encourage him to tell you about his day.  Give the video screen in your vehicle a rest and play a car tag game or have a conversation about your road trip, whether it’s a couple of miles or a couple thousand.
  • Physical.  Too much television means too little physical activity.  That can lead to weight gain (especially when high calorie snacks are involved) and other health and wellness issues.  Get your child involved in a sport, or just play catch in the backyard.

 

What to do, then?  Here are some thoughts.

  • Limit viewing time.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO television for children under the age of 2, so that they can develop through interaction with adults and other children.  They also recommend limiting television viewing for older children to 1-2 hours/day of “educational, nonviolent programs,” supervised by a responsible adult.
  • Supervise.  You should know what your child is watching at all times.
  • Keep the television out of your children’s bedrooms.  Not only will they watch things you don’t want them to watch, their sleep patterns may be interrupted and they may be tempted to “hibernate,” avoiding healthy social interaction with family and friends.
  • Talk about television programs.  Older children and adolescents, especially, can benefit from conversations about their favorite (and your favorite) shows.  This is a good way to share something that’s important to your teen, while being sure she knows your values.
  • Turn it off.  Don’t keep the television on for “background noise.”  And be sure to limit when you have on the news.  Young children don’t need to see scenes of war, destruction, natural disasters.  Such  images lead to anxiety and sleeplessness.

 

Television can be a great tool for education and for fun.  We just need to make sure it doesn’t take the place of more important things!

artwork by Emily N., winner of our Pumpkin Coloring Contest!

artwork by Emily N., winner of our Pumpkin Coloring Contest!

 

© 2013 MBS Writing Services, all rights reserved